Six Months Without the Stars

The sembreak is almost over. After two weeks of a much-deserved repose, my friends and I are going back to the fray. As I look outside, I see the stars shining, suspended on the cloudless sky. Now I realize what was missing from me these past 6 months.

I forgot to look at the stars at night.

Even before college, when I was still in high school, I would make it a habit to look outside at night and look at the stars and the moon. It was a treat for me, a break from studying, (i.e., cramming) the night away. I would go outside, breathe deeply, close my eyes until my eyes were accustomed to the darkness, and look up. Sometimes I would laugh, sometimes I would cry. Always I would feel a better man.

In the city, life is so fast-paced. I would see people rushing to and fro, going somewhere, going nowhere. There’s the pollution and the heat and the noise that makes a person change, drives a person to adapt. People in the city sometimes feel that social alienation Marx described in his works. If you move like a turtle in the city, as I’ve found out, you’re either going to be mugged or be burnt in the midday sun. These different forces intermingle and pull a person apart from all directions from dawn to dusk.

At the end of the day, I go back to my boarding house, tired and stressed, and realize that I still have papers to write for History and two exams to study (i.e., cram, cram, cram) for the week. I go with my tasks, and sleep. Another day starts, rinse and repeat.

Six months without the stars. What a difference it has made! Everyday, I would join humanity in its struggles, and feel burnt out by sundown. Multiply that by six months, and I get that feeling of emptiness gnawing at my heart, saying that I can’t do it, I’m not up to the challenges, that I’m inadequate. The will finds reasons to fight that sadness, yet loses slowly as the days pass, until what’s left is drudgery, drudgery, drudgery.

The sembreak is almost over. I’ve been looking at the stars at night. I see Orion with his belt and the two Dippers, the only constellations I know of. In a few days, my friends and I are going back to the fray. This time it will be different. This time, I will remember to look at the stars.

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13 Comments

  1. Kbugal

     /  November 9, 2009

    Jian, pasukan nanaman. AJA!

    Reply
  2. Kat

     /  November 11, 2009

    And look at the stars we shall. What a refreshing post. 🙂 Drudgery during the first sem, huh? That (sadly) goes for me too.

    Reply
  3. Oh, stars… They remind me of my High School days when we’d stargaze until the dorm curfew. Since Manila, I’ve never felt more alone, even if I meet new people everyday. 😦

    Oh well, good luck to us this semester! ^_^

    Reply
    • jian5

       /  November 14, 2009

      It’s weird how that happens in a place with so many people. I guess we all need to take a break every once in a while, haha. Good luck to you guys too!

      Reply
  4. Yo. How’s my turtle in the city? Nag-feefeeling prom-d ka na naman? (:

    I understand what you mean (though it’s in a different context in my case), but no matter what you say a turtle will always be a turtle. Right? A turtle in the country doesn’t become a hare just because it crossed into the city limits. It’s still a turtle. I guess what I’m trying to say is you shouldn’t let where you are dictate who you are or who you’ll be. You know who you are and what matters to you; integrity is something rather amazing and rare these days so don’t lose it. (:

    In other news (hehe), I hope matuloy na tayo next weekend. Or at least some time before I’m too old to get out of my bed. Haha (:

    Oh, and thanks for listing the sites. (:

    Reply
    • jian5

       /  November 15, 2009

      Yes, the turtle is a promdi in the city, and he doesn’t care if he is. Hell, he’s proud to be one! Hehehe!

      That’s a fresh point of view to consider. I have nothing to say about integrity being a rare virtue these days. I think I’ll write about that at another time. 😀

      Oh, and sorry I couldn’t go. I hope we can play bball next week. Until then, keep being your own turtle, hahaha.

      Reply
      • Feeler ka talaga. Haha Hindi ka kaya promdi. You a rich turtle in the suburbs. ((((:

        Siyempre, ako pa? Laging fresh! Haha Parang commercial lang. But what you’re talking about here all boils down to integrity really, in my oh so humble opinion.

        I hope so too. (: Me turtle? I’m more like a… sloth. Hehehe

        Reply
  5. jian5

     /  November 16, 2009

    Let’s agree to disagree, hahaha.

    Haha, both are slow, but sloths are better adapted to the heat of the midday sun.

    Reply
  6. Okay. Hehe 😛

    Midday sun. Perfect for siesta. Dugong na lang kaya ako? ((:

    Reply

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