The King

​The king sits in the courtyard under the ancient tree.

His throne iron and heavy, pushed by a servant,
His scepter is steel, a strange fruit hanging,
Clear fluid dripping down into his withered hand.
He looks far at his kingdom, tired and weary.
Cold, he clutches his robes of silk and velvet purple.
His castle is brick and glass, pale and foreboding,
Its many chambers sallow and bustling
With dreams and truths, with hope and regrets.
He looks at his subjects, young and old as he,
In their worse, and at their worst, and at their end,
As white ghosts roam endlessly in the hallways.
The king who rules the world, the king who sits,
Powerful yet impotent, resplendent yet impoverished.
The king muses his melancholy under the cloudy sky.
He has had enough for today.
He looks to his servant and they leave
Towards the doors of the great citadel.

Surviving Medical School: The Fourth Year a.k.a. Clerkship

I write this entry with these people in mind: my unborn child, who [might] consider being a physician someday, for my future students [mwahahahahahaha!], and for myself, that I may be reminded of who I was as a student. This is the fourth part of the series.

uerm20memorial20hospital-01_zpsrxhoerjj

uerm.edu.ph

Congratulations! Third year of medical school was hell, and by surviving it, you are surely on your way to becoming a physician. You are now going to begin your clinical years, earning the experience needed to function in any setting.

When we were having our orientation at the start of my clerkship year, all of my seniors succinctly described it using this statement: “Ito ang pinakamasayang year na ayaw nyo nang ulitin.” [“This will be the happiest/funnest/best year you’ll experience that you never want to go through again.”] I kept thinking about the meaning of this statement as I went along the journey that has been this year, and only in retrospect will it be clear why.

This is the year you will experience this rite of passage for all doctors.

This year, you will be deep in the trenches, fighting in the front lines of our war against suffering and disease. You will deliver babies, you will perform minor surgery, you will perform your basic medical interventions to your heart’s content, you will talk to and examine endless numbers of patients, you will educate you patients on their diseases, you will persuade your patients to take their medications, you will perform CPR, you will hold the hand of the dying, you will talk with those who all hope is beyond reach. You will experience the highs and lows of your budding medical career; you will share in the triumphs of your patient and medical team; you will share their sadness and their pain. Friendships will be formed, and friendships will be tested.

You will find yourself in the best and the worst of times, so get ready!

Mission Briefing

filipino20soldiers20120us20soldier20wounded20filipino_zps72in7rei

Cavite, 1898: A medic attends to a wounded Filipino soldier (peopleus.blogspot.com)

Clerkship is a 1-year “on-the-job” training, where you will rotate in the various disciplines of Medicine, namely, Internal Medicine, Surgery, Obstetrics-Gynecology, Pediatrics, Psychiatry, Ophthalmology, Otorhinolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery, Neurology, and Community Medicine.

Your rotation will revolve around the “Pre-Duty-From” schedule. Pre-duty schedule is from 7AM to 5PM. Duty schedule is 7AM to 7AM the following day. From schedule is 7AM (following duty status) to 12PM. Pre-duty is like Sunday, feeling as if it’s before the weekdays. Duty is the weekdays, where you will grind yourself to work. From-duty is like Saturday, where you’ll get to rest. The concept of a 7-day week will transform into a 3-day week, as you will discover.

Before you start clerkship, know that this will be the year that you will discover what kind of doctor you are. Wordsworth once wrote: “The child is father to the man.” The medical intern is father to the physician.

I want you to be the best doctor you can be, but only you can make yourself so. Before you start, set your goals for yourself this year. These were mine:

  1. Learn the common diseases, their epidemiology, pathophysiology, management and prognoses.
  2. Communicate effectively with the patient and the medical team.
  3. Become skilled in the basic medical interventions (Life support, IV therapy, surgical skills, etc.)
  4. Discover how to listen more effectively to my patients and colleagues.
  5. Develop common sense.
  6. Develop compassion.
  7. Network with colleagues and friends.
  8. Accept failure, defeat, surrender.
  9. Stand again after every failure.

Ten-Hut!

611-2_zpsmqieoipz

1899: Regular soldiers of the Philippine Revolutionary Army stand at attention for an inspection (explorer-philippines.com)

Preparation is key to surviving the war in the clinics.

  1. Take care of yourself. Remember to eat healthy, get good rest (if you can, that is, without being a slacker or a liability to the team), keep yourself well-groomed. The stresses you will face this year will test you, so build a good physical foundation to mount your offense.
  2. Take care of yourself, please. I forgot to mention that you should also take into consideration your emotional and spiritual well-being. Burn-out is common during this time, and you’ll need your support systems to back you up.
  3. Get the right equipment. If you haven’t bought the equipment to function effectively, do so now. Invest in good equipment – your stethoscope, sphygmomanometer, thermometer, pulse oximeter, etc.; you’ll be using it for the rest of your professional life. One thing I want to emphasize is to buy good shoes. Do not skimp on good shoes! I destroyed 4 pairs of shoes this year. The worst enemy that will gnaw at you at the end of the day will be your sore feet.
  4. Read your manual, and attend the orientation. Your medical school will probably provide you with a house staff manual or a handbook. Read it. It will save you a lot of trouble in the future. Attending the orientation wouldn’t hurt as well.
  5. Read up on the common cases in the clinics. You should always strive to arrive in the clinics knowledgeable and eager. Easier said than done, but do try.

In the Trenches

main_900_zpsmqmn9ggg

Manila, 1941: The first “Women Guerilla” corps (theatlantic.com)

It is hard to describe how the typical day of a medical intern goes. Your day will either be benign, in between, or in hell. The level of “toxicity” will depend on the rotation, as some rotations are more demanding than others as you will learn; on your team mates, as you will see them at their best, and at their worst; and on yourself, as you will also be at your best and at your worst.

Expect anything, and expect everything.

The experiences you will face here will be unique. I have found some common tenets to live by to survive. Some of these I learned from my mentors, some I learned by making mistakes. I’d like to credit Dr. Miggy Unabia for some of them as well, as I based some of these from a post he wrote for us before our clerkship year started:

  1. Think of the patient first. It is our vow to put our patient’s welfare and well-being first before anything else. I know I wrote earlier to take care of yourself, but you will have to accept that you will make a lot of sacrifices from here on onward. You will feel dizzy of hunger, you will feel irritable of thirst, you will complain of sleep deprivation, you will feel the need to pee but can’t, you will feel depressed and burnt out. The patient feels twice, thrice, or more suffering that what you’re suffering. They look to you for help. They may not show gratitude. They may even shout at you and curse you. You will feel frustrated. Yet our promise to serve humanity is our ultimate purpose.
  2. Be civil to everyone. Clerkship will put you in close proximity to people. People who you respect and will most likely refer patients to in the future. People who disgust you and feel disappointed for. People who you will work with for a year, or possibly a lifetime. We had this story of an intern who was approached by an old lady, dressed in simple clothing, who was asking about a patient. The intern, who was under stress at the time, was brusque in his reply, only to be met by the seething bite of an offended consultant.
  3. Don’t be a doormat. Then again, don’t be afraid to stand up for what is right. If there is a problem, isolate the person you have a problem with, and fix it among yourselves. Never humiliate anyone. Sadly, there are some people you can never seem to get along with. You can’t please everyone, and you will have to accept this fact. At some point, you will need to hurt some people to avoid a lot of pain in the future. At some point, you will need to call out the bullshit on your colleagues to make them better doctors.
  4. Have initiative. Clerkship is the best time to learn how to be a great doctor. Use all of your senses. Observe how physicians you admire communicate with the patients, and discard the bad behavior of those who do not. Ask questions (In a respectful way! In the right setting!), occasionally challenging your consultants. Read the patient charts, get to know their cases, read up on their disease. Update yourself on their clinical course. Take a look at the patients, politely examine them, talk to them, see them as people. I would have to admit that my best teachers were my patients. I learned how to do effective colostomy care from Ms. GO, how to act when suspecting a stroke from Mr. ME, how to analyze psychosocial conflicts from the AG twins. When I see a case, I see the patients I had the chance to meet. Meet as many patients and doctors as you can, and learn from them.
  5. Have a sense of urgency. This is a job where your actions can mean life or death, and a minute could be minute too late. I think it is best that when you are confronted with a task, assess its importance and urgency, and prioritize accordingly. The Eisenhower matrix is a good means for decision making in this setting, and I recommend you to study it as a guide.
  6. Endorse properly. Proper endorsement is an art that I admit I still need to develop. At first, you will endorse poorly, but over time, you will learn how communicate properly as a doctor to another doctor. There is nothing more irritating in the medical world than to receive an endorsement of a patient who is relayed to you as just a room number and the type of monitoring interval required. Go beyond that. Your goal is to make the patient be seen not as a case, but as a person. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to give written endorsements just to remove any further misunderstanding and make your instructions clear.
  7. Always consult with your superiors before doing any major interventions. At this point in time, you will be the grunt in the war, so you’ll have a lot of superiors breathing down your neck. Always inform them of the status of the patients, and if you have any interventions you plan to do, especially those concerning administering medications and any invasive procedures. You don’t have a license yet, so it is wise to ask, no matter how stupid the question may be; a life depends on it. Besides, your superiors have their own superiors too, and if you mess up, you’ll get them into trouble. Keep the peace and choose your battles wisely.

 Move Out!

450x300_q95_zpsekv4ss61

Waters off Palawan, 2015: Armed Forces of the Philippines board a landing craft air cushion

This year you will discover yourself. You will marvel at how you are able to stand without eating or sleeping for hours. You will marvel at your ability to go to work even when you’re sick. You will pull out creative solutions out of nowhere when everything seems hopeless. You will be frustrated for your mistakes and your failures. You will be burnt out and you will be depressed. You will feel like your life is not going anywhere, that you are stuck in the rut in the gears of life.

You will make a difference in the lives of other people.

You will become a great doctor.

473366561_zpsg5gwvl3u

gettyimages.com

Never forget this year. This year, you are the grunt, at the bottom of the food chain. As much as it is hard to admit, the caring profession is unfortunately uncaring to those who practice it. There will be times when you will feel injustice done against you by other doctors, by the staff, by your colleagues. You will feel frustrated and disappointed in yourself, in others, and in your profession. You will feel anger and sadness at this reality. Discard their ways and use them as a guide on what not to be on your way to becoming a physician.

It is time to change the uncaring culture of Medicine, and it begins with you. This is the time not only to learn how to be a great doctor, but also to develop yourself into a decent human being. Become the doctor the world desperately needs: a doctor with a sharp and focused mind, gentle and caring hands, and a compassionate and understanding heart.

You will meet the best people and mentors this year. You will be inspired by their ability to keep calm under pressure, their unending vitality and vigor despite their lack of food or sleep, their warm and gentle guidance to you and to their patients. They will treat you as equals, and will listen to your opinions. They espouse the highest form of excellence and deserve the respect and love we give unconditionally. Use them as your guides towards progress and growth. Seek to become like them, and beyond.

I wish you all the luck and strength and wisdom for your fourth year! I will see you along the way.

Myopia

I wish you wore glasses
So you could look
Into a mirror and assess
That nasty crook (FUCK!)
Of what you call your life.

Something has to change.
Something has to give.
Lest you suffer the rage
Of an idea, of a movement
That will be your reckoning
Crushed on the pavement
You will see beckoning.

But you do wear glasses
Why this myopic view
Why can you not witness
The anger of the few?

Stay Awake

​If you in life are not awake

Then you in death know not what was at stake
For the dawn only shows her face
To those who choose to meet her gaze
And Fortune only flirts with those she finds
Ambitious, willing, lustful for the kinds
Of things men can never dream
When the wind blows as if to scheme
When the rain falls as if to cloud
When the storm screams as if to cast doubt
Stay awake, stay awale, stay awake;
Stay your mark, stay your course, stay awake.

Quarter of a Life

A quarter of a life
Is a breath and a gasp
A sigh and a heave
A whisper.

A quarter of a life
Is a leap and a bound
A step and a push
And yet a whisper.

A quarter of a life
Is a moment to a river
A flicker to a mountain
A whisper to a star.

Surviving Medical School: The Third Year

I write this entry with these people in mind: my unborn child, who [might] consider being a physician someday, for my future students [mwahahahahahaha!], and for myself, that I may be reminded ofwho I was as a student. This is the third part of the series. 

Third year medicine is, in my opinion, the “boss level” of your academic life. I have never worked as hard as I could until this year.

This year will sum up the discipline you’ve acquired throughout your years of formal schooling. This year will be a year of challenges, a year of great expectations, a year of tribulations. When it is finished, you will find that it will have also been a year of hope, a year of discovery, a year of vindication. By the end of third year, you will feel like a physician, at least in theory. By the end of this year, you will be one step closer to your dreams.

Keeping up the Pace

ECG

pinterest.com

A medical student is a marvel of creation. We are a juxtaposition of contrasts. We feel dumb, but we can answer (some) questions our consultants throw at us. We feel sleep-deprived most days of the week, but we manage to pull through our examinations. We are caffeine-laced junkies, but we can fall asleep on command. We feel like robots in a daily grind, yet we feel compassion and empathy when we talk to our patients. We feel stupid most of the time, but for some reason, our patients and our relatives believe in our abilities. (If you’re my child, I’ll probably be bragging about you to everyone.)

It is essential to keep in mind that taking care of yourself is your first priority. Eat a well-balanced diet, exercise often, go on dates or parties, don’t neglect your personal hygiene, and sleep adequately. There will be lots of times when you will feel burnt out. You’ll try to force yourself to keep going, but you won’t likely be productive if you do. I’ve done that many times, but I would just be frustrated and miserable after.

It is important to know yourself this year. It is important to accept that you are only human, and you will probably not be able to read everything or practice all your skills. It is equally important that you believe you have what it takes to be a doctor. It is important that you discover in yourself the grim determination that will spur you to face your fears.

The greatest challenge this year is not really the tons of material, the gaggle of paperwork, or the physical exhaustion, but the lack of motivation that will sap your strength and affect everything else. Keep up the pace. You’ll get there.

From a Marathon… To a Triathlon

Ocean

zarmeenk.wordpress.com

When I first started third year, it felt like being dropped into the ocean. Initially, you’ll feel the unforgiving chill, you’ll thrash about helplessly, you’ll be brought down by the endless waves.

Up to this point, I’ve treated medical school like a marathon, where all you had to do was to keep placing one foot in front of the other. This year, you will need to be faster and stronger and wiser. You will find that you have less time to study because you have to do a lot of paperwork and projects on top off trying to live like a normal decent human being with a social life.

The greatest skill you must master this year is time management. There are many ways to become productive, but the one I’ve always found useful is to divide your day into a pie. Allot 8 hours of rest and 8 hours of lectures everyday, and probably an hour or two for personal hygiene and eating. This will leave you with 6 hours to choose between studying and not studying. How you use those 6 hours is up to you.

If you’re like me, the internet is a bad distraction. I remember looking at a clock and saying: “Hey, I’ll just surf the net for half and hour.” When I look at the clock, it’s jumped by 6 hours. Try to remove distractions from your life and focus on getting to where you want to be.

Smart is the Way to Go

Tactics

forum.ea.com/uk

Studying smart is the norm for third year. You can try to read all the material, but it’s no use if you don’t understand it. I’ve applied new tricks to keep up with the material, some of which are:

  1. Strengthen your basic knowledge by brushing up on your past lectures. I’ve found that having a good background on pathophysiologic processes will allow you to quickly understand material, as well as allowing you to reason logically when confronted with a case you’re not familiar with. An example would be how you’d suspect leukemia in a patient presenting with anemia, easy bruising, and frequent infection. You’ll even know what type of leukemia it is just by recalling your basic knowledge. If you don’t understand what you’re reading, I strongly suggest going back to the basics. If it seems too tedious, know that ultimately, you’ll work faster as you master the basic sciences.
  2. Know the common diseases, their diagnostic criteria, their treatments, and their quirks. Staple cases would be lifestyle diseases such as hypertension, diabetes, and obesity. Infections and antibiotic treatment are also frequently discussed topics. How would you know what the common diseases are? Listen to your lecturers! Or if you really need to sleep in class, at least list down what they’re talking about and just go back to them later.
  3. Simplify! I would suggest using a small index card to take note of the important characteristics of a disease, as above. It will force you to put only the essential information, and it doesn’t hurt how writing helps integrate these into your memory. Another way to simplify is to consider how diseases can be grouped according to their core pathophysiologic concept and directing treatment accordingly. The Integrated Management of Childhood Illnesses (IMCI) chart is a good example of this. Find such material, or develop them yourself.
  4. Use mnemonics, use humor, enjoy the material! Think of funny ways to remember diseases. I remember Takayasu disease being a “pulseless disease” because you can’t “Takaya-pulse”. Or how to memorize the order of CT scan radiodensity: “be sure where fart arises” (bone-soft tissue-water-fat-air). Medicine has a lot of information, so you might as well find humor in it.
  5. Put in your hours everyday. Third year is the worst time to cram. Try your best not to fall into this, as the material this year is not only voluminous, but also requires time and effort to understand. By breaking up huge diseases into simpler concepts, you’ll have a finer understanding and appreciation for the material, as well as the luxury of good sleep during the exam weeks.
  6. Be a team player. Did you forget about the paperworks you’ll have to do already? Because there are a lot of paperwork. Our team created rotations schedules to guide those who are decked to interview patients. This ensures that we all get to hone our skills, as well as getting some respite. Now, don’t be that team member who hogs all the skills, nor be that team member who is just dead weight for the group. You are going to be a doctor, and how you behave with your team will reflect the kind of doctor you’ll be in the future.

For You, Only the Best

Heart

mozdex.com

I believe that a medical student should strive to be the best physician they can be. There will be many times when you’ll be tempted to just breeze through the material and pass the exams. There will be times when you’ll feel lazy and just read through previous exam review questions and hope those concepts will come out of the test. These things have happened to me. But now I have to brush up on cervical cancer because I know squat about it, and OB-Gyne will be my first rotation this April. I’ve learned how each concept you slack off from will bite you back someday.

Third year is the time to think about the future. When you’ll be in the clinics, patients won’t come to ask how you did in an exam; they’ll ask if you can help them. What good is knowing that secondary amenorrhea is caused by polycystic ovarian syndrome 80% of the time when you don’t know what the diagnostic criteria are, or how to treat it? You have to learn these diseases well enough so that you can spot them in the clinic, diagnose them, and treat them accordingly.

In the end, it will all boil down on how much you care about your patient. If you care sincerely enough, you will see all the exams and papers you’ll do as essential steps to become the best physician you’re meant to be. You will grumble and fret, but take each day at a time, and before you’ll know it, you’ll be where I stand now – at the brink of clinical clerkship, anxious and excited at the same time.

I hope this year will be good to you, and I hope to see you along the way.

Majesty

Mt. Pulag It was on a day like that when my father’s notion of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts moved from my head to my heart. The view from my sycamore was more than rooftops and clouds and wind and colors combined.

It was magic.

And I started marveling at how I was feeling both humble and majestic. How was that possible? How could I be so full of peace and full of wonder? How could this simple tree make me feel so complex? So alive.

Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen, 2003 December 20, 2014. Sunrise on the summit of Mount Pulag, Northern Philippines

Paranoia

Hello. We were just talking about you.
We love how time flies and goes,
And then, poof, you’re someone we barely knew
Where are you now, nobody knows.

Yes, this is your validation
For the voices you hear in your head
Whispering thoughts of provocation,
Keeping you from the peace of your bed.

Then again, it’s not always about you.
We’re talking about someone we care about.
So sleep well and tight, won’t you?
Just curse your dreams of doubt.

The Great Pagliacci

I went to a play by Pagliacci,
He was recommended by my doctor.
So I went to his play to truly see,
His proven cure with sharp wit and humor.

In came with flair The Great Pagliacci,
Rotund, vacuous, clown on a bike riding,
His appearance filled the crowd with glee,
As he regaled us with inane rambling.

“I sure would like to be Pagliacci,
Seems he never loses his wit and smile!”
Said the people beside and behind me.
I found my cure with his devilish wile.

I left with mem’ries of Pagliacci,
How funny the world through his sight may be!
He takes life with zest and security,
How happier can a person ev’r be?

One day I chanced passing by the theatre,
To my surprise there was no queue, no line,
No people demanding that they enter.
“Pagliacci is dead” was on a sign.

I mourn for him, The Great Pagliacci,
I wonder how the world without him will be.

I dedicate this to Mr. Robin Williams (1951-2014), a great man who made the world laugh, cry, and think.

Fine

We pass one another everyday
You ask me how I am
And scripted I would always say:
“I’m fine.” (But I don’t give a damn.)

We go about our separate way
Ignoring the flowers and the music
At dusk I go home alone and say:
“I’m fine.” (I’m going to be sick.)

On the pillow my head I lay
And decide to let myself feel
I think I’m going to be okay
“I’m fine.” (But I don’t want to feel.)

It always goes the same way
I don’t want to feel
It hits me like a truck and everything turns black and I say it’s all going to be okay and lie and say:
“I’m fine.” (I’m not still.)

I’m happy and I’m grieving and I’m hurting and I’m okay
I just want to turn it all off
I just want to lie to myself and say
“I’m fine.” (But I won’t.)

  • Calendar

    September 2016
    S M T W T F S
    « Aug    
     123
    45678910
    11121314151617
    18192021222324
    252627282930  
  • Archives

  • Categories

  • Oliman

    For people who love to think.
    -Jian Narag, 2005-2016